What Is the Average Sex Time?

There tends to be a lot of pressure surrounding sex: how frequently you’re having it, how many people you’ve had it with, and how long you last. Discovering that a friend lasts longer than you during sex can be a real buzzkill. You may be left with feelings of inadequacy and a sense that your performance simply isn’t up to par. However, that’s far from true. When it comes to the question of how long a man should last during sex, the average sex time can vary significantly.

Ready to learn more about the average sex time and how to have longer, more satisfying sex? Read on to learn all about it.

Conclusion

How Long Should Sex Last?

What is the average time for sex and how long should sex last? First thing’s first: there’s no “should” when it comes to sex. Sex is not a one-size-fits-all activity. Not only does sex last different amounts of time for different couples, but many couples find that the length of their sex varies day-to-day and encounter-to-encounter. Some couples may find that some days, they’re interested in languishing, lengthy sex, whereas others they prefer a quickie.

Rather than trying to quantify the ideal length of sex, focus on your partner’s and your satisfaction. The ideal length for sex is as long as it takes for both partners to feel satisfied and connected. You simply can’t put a number on that.

The Average Duration of Sex

When it comes down to it, there simply isn’t a lot of information surrounding the average sex time. In part, there hasn’t been a lot of research on the matter. However, one of the few studies looking into the average sex time explored the average intravaginal ejaculatory latency time (IELT), which refers to the time it takes for a person with a penis to ejaculate during vaginal sex. So, how long should a man last during sex? According to this study, the average sex time was 5.4 minutes.¹

However, “sex” can be somewhat ambiguous to define. Is sex only penetration? Does sex include foreplay? Is masturbation considered sex? Is oral sex considered sex, and how long should oral sex last? If there isn’t penetration, is it still sex? Factors like these can make determining the average sex times a tricky task.

So, how long should a guy last during sex? To try and quantify the average sex time, it helps to understand the several stages of sex. Let’s review.

Foreplay

Foreplay is the sexual and sensual activity that leads up to intercourse. It may include things like kissing, touching, cuddling, and any other activities that you and your partner do before the main event. Foreplay may even include sexy texts exchanged earlier in the day, a steamy shower together, or watching a sexy movie.

Foreplay isn’t only fun, but it physically prepares the body for intercourse. During foreplay, blood flow increases to the genitals. This blood flow helps penises become erect and causes the labia and clitoris to swell, increasing sensation. It also triggers the vagina’s natural lubrication in preparation for penetration. If you or your partner deal with dry or painful sex, foreplay may be just the thing to improve your experience.

Depending on the foreplay you engage in, your body, and your preferences, it’s time can vary greatly. On average, it can take as little as a few minutes for a penis to become erect and a vagina to self-lubricate. However, the average length of foreplay is generally considered to be anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes.

Intercourse

Now for the main event: sexual intercourse. As you might expect, defining the average sex time for sexual intercourse is a tricky task. For one, not everyone has penetrative sex. For many people, intercourse may be something other than penetration, like oral sex, touching, masturbation, or anything else. Additionally, people with vaginas typically take longer to orgasm than those with penises. Do we define intercourse as the length of time until the first person orgasms, or is it until both partners are “finished?”

Depending on your sex, the time to orgasm during intercourse is as follows:

People with penises: According to one study, the average time to ejaculation during penetrative sex is around 5.4 minutes.¹
People with vaginas: A 2018 study showed that people with vaginas average 13.41 minutes to orgasm from penetrative sex.²

Aftercare

After sex, many couples engage in aftercare. This is the practice of connecting physically and emotionally after sex. Aftercare may include cuddling, kissing, talking, or any other activity that helps partners feel relaxed and loved.

There really is no quantified measurement of the length of aftercare. Some couples may feel like a few minutes is enough to re-enter their day, whereas others may spend hours relaxing and connecting.

Factors That Affect How Long Sex Lasts

It’s clear: there’s no “normal” length for sex. How long a guy should last for sex varies greatly. There are so many factors that may affect the length of sex for couples, including:

Sexual orientation: According to one study, same-sex couples with vaginas reported the longest duration of sex of any pairing.³
Age: As people age, sex can get longer, as time to arousal and time to orgasm can greatly increase.
Sexual function: Some may experience problems with sexual functions that can affect the length of sex, like pain during sex or premature ejaculation.
Anxiety: Performance anxiety can be a barrier to orgasm and can make sex last longer.
Overall health: Healthier couples may have the stamina to have longer sex, whereas others may have less stamina and difficulty lasting as long.

Tips for Longer-Lasting Sex

It’s time to set aside any preconceived notions you have about how long sex should last. Instead, ask yourself whether you’re having sex that leaves you and your partner satisfied. If not, follow these tips to have longer-lasting, more satisfying sex.

Focus on Foreplay

Focusing on foreplay can be a great way to not only make sex last longer, but to increase pleasure during sex. There are so many great-feeling parts of foreplay. Spend time cuddling, kissing, and touching each other. Get familiar with your partner’s erogenous zones, like their neck, lower back, inner thighs, or the backs of their knees. Not only will this feel great in the moment, but it can leave you with more satisfying sex.

Practice Healthy Habits

Your overall health can have a significant impact on your sexual performance. Cardiovascular issues, diabetes, hormonal imbalances, and other health concerns can lead to erectile dysfunction and affect your libido. If you’re having a hard time maintaining an erection or feeling excited about sex, it may be time to see a doctor and address health concerns.

Improve Your Endurance

Is your stamina getting in the way of longer, more satisfying sex? While it may not sound like it, sex is a moderate physical exercise. In fact, your exertion during sex is equivalent to walking a mile in 20 minutes. Improving your endurance can help boost your stamina and prepare you for longer sex.⁴ Explore our endurance exercises to last longer in bed to increase your performance.

Don’t Forget About Your Mental Health

Mental health concerns can affect your performance, too. Anxiety can get in the way of your ability to orgasm, resulting in less satisfying sex. For those with penises, depression and anxiety can also contribute to premature ejaculation.

Try Pelvic Floor Exercises

Do you practice pelvic floor exercises? Whatever your sex, you may benefit from making these a part of your daily routine. Kegels and other pelvic floor exercises can help you delay ejaculation. For those with vaginas, squeezing your pelvic floor muscles during sex may also increase sensation and result in more satisfying sex.

Masturbate First

If you’re wondering how to delay ejaculation, some find that masturbating before sex can result in longer sex. Getting rid of the “urge” to orgasm may delay the time to ejaculation when having sex with a partner. Just be sure not to masturbate too close to sex, as you may find your refractory period gets in the way.

Use Performance Condoms

There are several reasons for using a condom, with condoms being used to increase the average sex time being one of them. Shop condoms designed to prolong sexual performance. These condoms are made with a delaying lubricant that decreases sensitivity to help you last longer during penetration.

Try Edging

Edging is the practice of getting right up to the point of orgasm and then stopping and giving yourself a break. Some believe that practicing edging during masturbation can help you better control premature ejaculation. As you start to understand what it feels like just before orgasm, you can better control yourself during partnered sex.

Talk to Your Partner

Anxieties, dissatisfaction, and other concerns can get in the way of your performance and your satisfaction during sex. Addressing these issues with your partner can help reduce pressure and improve your performance. You and your partner may also find that you’d like to go to a couples therapist or sex therapist to improve sex and your relationship altogether.

Conclusion

When it comes down to it, sex is as varied as the couples who have it. Whether your sex lasts as long as your friend simply doesn't matter—what’s important is that you’re having sex that’s satisfying and leaving you feeling fulfilled.

Another important factor when it comes to sex is practicing safe, responsible sex. No matter how long sex lasts, it can put you at risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and accidental pregnancy (yes, even if you don’t orgasm). To protect yourself and your partner, wear a condom every time. Shop condoms, lubricants, and more from Durex today.

References

Waldinger MD, Quinn P, Dilleen M, Mundayat R, Schweitzer DH, Boolell M. A multinational population survey of intravaginal ejaculation latency time. J Sex Med. 2005 Jul;2(4):492-7. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16422843/
Gajanan S. Bhat, Anuradha Shastry. Time to Orgasm in Women in a Monogamous Stable Heterosexual Relationship, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 17, Issue 4, 2020, Pages 749-760, https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1743609520300308
Blair, Karen L., and Caroline F. Pukall. "Can less be more? Comparing duration vs. frequency of sexual encounters in same-sex and mixed-sex relationships." The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, vol. 23, no. 2, Aug. 2014, pp. 123+. Gale Academic OneFile, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A387347028/AONE?u=anon~c4d3b9a2&sid=googleScholar&xid=abd30f6e.
Nissen, S. 5 Common Questions About Sex and Your Heart. Cleveland Clinic. 2020. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/5-common-questions-about-sex-and-your-heart