Talking Dirty: What Your Lover Wants to Hear During Sex

Why talk dirty to your partner?

Talking dirty has a bit of a bad reputation. The main connotations are to porn scenes and four letter words being screamed at high pitch. But the truth is, sex talk plays a big part in many couples’ sex lives and can significantly improve intimacy on many levels.

Talking to your lover in the build up to sex can really heighten the sexual tension, leading naturally into physical foreplay and an increased sense of passion during sex. Once things get going, sex talk can also spice things up in positions where you have face-to-face contact, allowing your partner to hear your voice and feel your breathe to full effect. It can also result in both partners being able to orgasm quicker by adding an extra psychological aspect into the equation, which is sure to whip you both up into a sexual frenzy!

Sex talk can also help in relationships where long distance is an issue or for couples who are apart for long periods of time. Picking up the phone to talk, or even better Facetiming when you are feeling horny can be a great experience and by knowing what to say to excite your partner can help you both get in the mood a lot quicker. Teamed with some intimate sex toys and the dimmed lights, it will be like you are not even apart!


The idea of talking obscenities during sex doesn’t turn everyone on, however, it doesn’t have to be all rude and nasty. Speaking during sex can really help rekindle romance within a relationship and can also help to re-assure both partners that they are doing a good job. Hearing your partner moan with pleasure or tell you that they are really enjoying being with you can be a big signal that you are doing something right and can give you more encouragement going forward to be a bit more daring or adventurous.


Getting over nerves is a big first step, especially with a new partner, or if you haven’t previously introduced sex talk into your relationship. Therefore, it is important to ease in gradually rather than jumping straight in and ending up confusing your partner or even worse putting them off completely. Introducing some ‘build-up’ phrases is a good place to start and can help you both get into the flow before you get into full sex. Once you get into it, and feel like your partner is responding well to your voice, you can become more adventurous and experiment with different words and phrases to see how they feel. Here are a few ideas on the types of phrases that you could try before and during sex with your partner:


1. I really need you right now

2. I get so turned on just thinking about you

3. I can’t wait to feel you inside me/be inside you

4. I want to give you the best oral you’ve ever had

5. I want to kiss you, all over …

6. You can do whatever you want to me tonight

7. I can’t wait until we’re both alone so that I can get you naked

8. I’m picturing us naked together right now

9. I’ve just had the most amazing flashback to last night

10. Fancy having an early night tonight?


1. That feels so amazing

2. I love how big/wet you feel right now

3. Please don’t ever stop what you are doing

4. Wow, this is the best feeling ever

5. You are turning me on so much

6. I want you to take control of me

7. I want to make you orgasm

8. I’ve missed your body so much

9. I really want us to come together

10. Don’t stop, this feels amazing


Sometimes, the way you say something during sex can be just as effective as what you are actually saying. As a rule, women generally find it easier to sex up their voice with gentle whispers and sultry tones, whereas men might sometimes find it harder to get the tone right. Whatever happens, you want to avoid the words coming out sounding brash, offensive or derogatory to your partner. It might sound silly, but practicing what you are going to say in advance can really help. If you are alone in your car or at home before your partner gets in, say a few phrases and practice the tone of your voice when you say it to see if it feels right. You will probably feel silly or uncomfortable, but at least you can avoid feeling like this in front of your lover later on.


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