The Rule All Couples Should Practice In Bed

You hear a lot about the Golden Rule... now meet the Platinum Rule.

The Rule All Couples Should Practice In Bed

By Dr. Megan Fleming

You hear so much about the Golden Rule: "do unto others (including your partner), as you'd like done to you," but I'm here to tell you that there's a higher standard and a more valuable rule for your relationship. It's called the Platinum Rule.

So, here it is: Do unto your partner as they want done to them! That's right, it's so easy to forget that your partner doesn't think exactly like you do nor does he like the same things you do. Ask yourself: are you giving your partner what you desire, not necessarily what he or she wants? The blessing, sometimes experienced as the curse, of relationships is that your partner is not you!

So many couples default too quickly into believing they know exactly what their partner is thinking and feeling. The reality is, you may just be guessing! You can't truly know if you don’t ask and receive an honest response in return, despite all of the historical evidence you've mounted to support your case. This mindset forecloses on your curiosity to truly know your partner.

I know, I know, it's not always easy to figure out what the other person wants. When you first meet someone, it's natural to spontaneously explore to find out each other's turn-ons. Most couples, however, sooner or later find themselves following a limited sexual script. Don't limit yourself. There is incredible value (read: so much more pleasure to be had) with novelty and trying new things. In the bonds of your relationship, you have the trust and freedom to explore the vast realm of your sexual expressions and possibilities. Hey, your partner not only has your back, they have and desire all of you!

Here are three ways to expand your pleasure as a couple:

1. Ask your partner: What are the top five ways you like to be touched? If they don't know or list fewer than five, then sexplore together to help them find out! The biggest sex organ is your mind, and the biggest organ is your skin. Move beyond just genital pleasure to find new fun ways to turn each other on. Don't overlook simple skin-to-skin contact such as massage, showering together, holding hands, snuggling, cuddling, spooning, or stroking.

2. Each of you writes a list of your top three fantasies. Exchange lists and rank the fantasies from one to three, in the order that you think your partner would rank them. Were you right? Make a plan to do your partner's #1 — or scrap the plan and do it now! As you'll find out, sharing and discussing fantasies is a greatly erotic practice in of itself.

3. Practice a week of alternating "favorites" where you honor your favorites together one day and then play to your partner's favorites the next.Which one of you goes first? The one who answers the most questions correctly from the list below!

1. Favorite food
2. Favorite activity
3. Favorite sex move
4. Favorite song of the moment
5. Favorite smell
6. Favorite trip
7. Favorite couple memory

In partnership with YourTango


Free Shipping
$30 or more

How do I take advantage of Free Standard Shipping?

  1. All products in your order must be noted as Free Shipping Eligible.
  2. Your product order must total $30 or more after all coupons and discounts are applied.
  3. Your order must not weigh over 10 pounds. Orders overweight will accrue a surcharge per pound for every pound over 10 pounds.
  4. Orders containing more than 4 aerosol items may not qualify for Free Shipping.

Still have questions? You'll find additional information in our Shipping & Returns section at the bottom of any page.