Messed Up? How to Apologize in the Bedroom

Approached properly, makeup sex can ease tension and increase intimacy.

Messed Up? How to Apologize in the Bedroom

By: August McLaughlin

Approached properly, makeup sex can ease tension and increase intimacy.

You've seen in it countless rom-coms. In a split second, a couple goes from yelling at each other with daggers in their eyes to a hot-and-heavy naked tango. Steamy, yes, but not necessarily realistic. Emotional upset spikes adrenaline and dopamine, which can fuel passionate lovemaking – but it's often difficult to desire sex amid turmoil. Prioritize connectedness and your partner's feelings to make the most out of makeup sex.

Apologize Wisely

Makeup sex may sound divine when you aren't arguing, but during heated tension arousal is not a given, especially if you've really upset her. To transform the tension into sexual tension, take a deep breath, set aside any defensiveness and remind yourself who you are – two people who care deeply for each other. Admit your mistake and apologize, not to invite sexy play but because you genuinely want to. Then let whatever happens happen. Forgiveness is spectacular foreplay.

Make Things Right

Sometimes makeup sex happens before a conflict resolves. You're both sick of fighting and would rather invest your riled up energy into pleasurable pursuits – so why not? While there's little harm in doing so within a healthy relationship, don't forget to address the underlying issues. Makeup sex is a superficial argument remedy, says psychologist Aaron Ben-Zeév. It may feel like compensation for wrong-doings, but your apology needs to carry on outside of the bedroom. Once you're finished or even before, tell her you're sorry and want to talk more later. Show her your apology is genuine by righting any wrong.

Prioritize Her Pleasure

When your partner feels injured because of you, saying "I'm sorry" likely won't be enough. Show her you value her feelings enough to reconnect and mend the hurt or frustration you've caused. During sex, put her pleasure first. Give her a massage with some Massage and Play Sensual lubricant or kiss her where she relishes it most. Go down on her for longer than usual or incorporate her favorite toy (maybe the Durex® Play® Ring of Bliss perhaps). Orgasm not only brings pleasure, but stress relief. If you're the one apologizing, she probably deserves plenty of both.

Listen and Observe

Responding to your partner's frustration by stripping and leaping in bed may not go over well – especially if she doesn't feel she's been heard. Let her express herself, listening with an open heart. Pay attention to her body language as well. If she seems tense and disinterested in physical touch, she probably isn't sex-ready. Signs she's turned on may include dilated pupils, head tilting, back arching and, the more obvious signs – touching, coyly smiling at and kissing you. If your partner is a guy, erections aren't the only signs of arousal. Look for touching, smiling and a lowered voice.


Photo Credit

PhotoAlto/ Frederic Cirou/Getty Images


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