Incorporating Toys into Your Bedroom Play: They Won't Replace You in Bed

Sex toys can enhance his and her pleasure in the bedroom.

Incorporating Toys into Your Bedroom Play: They Won't Replace You in Bed

By August McLaughlin                                                                           

Sex-toy play is a bit like having a threesome, only with fewer complexities. Rather than serve as a partner replacement, they're bonus add-ons that can take your bedroom life to a spicier level. They can bolster pleasure, add variety and even lead to more frequent and orgasmic sex. Make sure to communicate about them rather than springing one on your partner. If she suggests using one, take it as a compliment – it just means she wants even more adventure with you in bed.

Sexy Shopping

Perusing sex toys with your partner can turn shopping into sultry foreplay. Whether you venture into a brick-and-mortar store or browse online, choosing toys together will whet her imagination – and, likely, other parts. Browse online stores together, choosing whatever entices you both most. If the thought of a dildo-shaped box arriving at your door holds you back, fear not. Most shops provide discreet packaging and labels. (The return address label won't read, "Sex Toys Are Us.")

Think His and Hers

One way to douse any doubts that toys replace partners is to start with dual toys – one to bring pleasure to each of you or one toy with multiple purposes, such as a couple's vibrator. Worn around your penis, the buzzing ring also stimulates her clit. Vibrators can help her climax faster, which is a perk if it tends to take her awhile and she'd prefer otherwise. You can also make yourselves come side-by-side using two toys of your choosing. Simply watching each other could be enough to send you both reeling.

Lube It Up

Without enough wetness, toys can bring discomfort instead of pleasure – especially if you haven't had enough foreplay. So while you're shopping for your toys, add lube to the mix. Lubricant is particularly important with anal sex toys, because your backdoor doesn't naturally moisten like your genitals. If you're curious about anal play, experts recommend starting with manual stimulation. Ask your partner to apply lube with her finger, massaging your hole area before inserting a small butt plug or dildo. If she's game for the same, return the favor.


Relaxing is vital for satisfying sex, especially when toys enter the equation. Tensing up and resisting while your partner is inserting a bum toy could lock it out or make the big O stand for "ouch." The same can happen with vaginal toys. Berman recommends breathing deeply and taking things slow, so you both feel comfy. Communicating in advance can also help – not to mention rev your engines. Lastly, if a particular toy doesn't work well for you, don't stress. Sharing the experience can still draw you closer, especially if you laugh it off or learn from it.


Photo Credits

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