Exploring Your Sexual Fantasies

Share your inner world with your partner.

Exploring Your Sexual Fantasies

By: Zoey LeBlanc

The real seat of hot sex lies between your two ears. Your brain serves as an erogenous zone beyond compare. Thus, it’s little surprise that 95 percent of adults entertain sexual fantasies, notes social psychologist David G. Myers inExploring Psychology. Exploring this rich landscape of erotic imagination helps you enjoy sex to the fullest – if you observe certain guidelines with your partner.

How Do Yours Compare?

Recurring themes appear in surveys of sexual fantasies. Both men and women, intriguingly, and even both straights and gays enjoy domination by their partners. What’s not to like about being the red-hot object of desire of an alpha male, or play-acting a temptation scene with the older, experienced seductress in charge?

And imagining yourself with a different person – especially if you've been in a long-term relationship – is close to universal. For example, in the cross-dressing role of Grandma on "The Klumps", Eddie Murphy counseled his son’s girlfriend, “OK, um, if you get bored with your man, it's perfectly OK to picture someone else's head on his body,” adding his favorite, the impossibly handsome news anchor: “From time to time, I have fantasies about Stone Phillips from NBC.”

Exploring With Your Partner

Playful partners may be into fantasy from the word "go" – just falling into a world where the randy undergraduate caresses the librarian in the college stacks, or the millionaire on a private jet orders the flight attendant to come a bit closer. If you’ve never quite broken the ice with your partner for these kinds of games, you have to start somewhere to introduce the idea. Best-selling romance author Greg Godek recommends getting out two pads of paper, and each of you writing down your fantasies – it’s less threatening and tense at first than talking about them. Swap the pads, read them quietly – and see which one you'd like to set a date for and enact.

Is Your Partner Turned On?

During your sharing of individual fantasies, see if your partner actually wants to act them out. Not everyone wants to take this step, which is still OK – your fantasies can remain a private turn-on. Go slow during this sharing and discussion phase, especially if you sense, for example, that while you might enjoy tying up your partner, your partner would freak out; you don't want the sharing of what sends you to the brink to upset or disgust your partner. Or make the “tying up” gentle indeed, with unknotted scarfs around the bedposts or slatted headboard that can readily be pulled free.

Setting the Scene

Set a date to explore your fantasies and assemble any props that you may need – favorite movies, books, music, art, costumes or articles of clothing. You may want a sexy cop outfit, or a video of lesbians caressing each other. In addition to your new outfits, you can incorporate new toys. The sexy cop may pull you over and act out a traffic stop – with Durex's Play Allure® Intimate Massager in hand instead of a citation book.

Continue along making up the scene as you go. It’s perfectly fine if you enact scenarios that would get you in a predicament in real life. These can heighten the razor-edge of excitement you bring to your encounter.




  • Exploring Psychology with Updates on DSM-5; David G. Myers
  • Confessions of a True Romantic; Gregory Godek
  • Monogamy: The Untold Story; Marianne Brandon
  • WebMD: Sharing Your Sex Fantasies With Your Partner: Sizzler or Fizzler?
  • It's Not Him, It's You!: How to Take Charge of Your Life; Laura Berman
  • Finding and Revealing Your Sexual Self: A Guide to Communicating about Sex; Libby Bennett, Ginger Holczer
  • 365 Days of Sensational Sex; Lou Paget
  • Exploring the Dimensions of Human Sexuality; Jerrold S. Greenberg, et al.
  • The Site: Bondage for Beginners

Photo Credits

Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images


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